Dave and I have been married for almost eight months already. Part of me feels like the time has gone so fast because if feels like we just got married, and the other part of me feels as if we’ve been married for ages. It’s safe to say that we’ve both learned a lot in those eight months. We’ve had those conversations for couples to have and learned a lot about our relationship. But it’s nothing compared to what we’ve learned both about either other and about ourselves in the 4+ years we’ve been together.
Dave and I started having the big conversations for couples fairly early in our relationship. Whether it be finances, kids, or our dreams for the future, we’ve been talking about them all along.
That’s not to say that everything has been easy breezy since we got married. There have definitely been ups and downs. Marriage can be a freaking roller coaster sometimes. And some of those conversations for couples haven’t come easily. We’ve still had disagreements about money, or one of us not being open enough with your feelings.
Maybe you’re married, or maybe you’ve just started dating. Either way, these 6 conversations for couples are conversations you should probably be having!
This is definitely one of the most important things you’ll need to talk about with your significant other. It’s also the #1 reason couples get divorced, so that should tell you how important it is. It’s a conversation that absolutely needs to be had before you get married, but preferably long before.
Dave and I combined our finances when we got engaged. It just made sense as we moved to a new city and rented a new apartment together. But we knew most of the ins and outs of each other’s finances before that. That meant there were no surprises when we combined finances.
Talk about your debts. It’s important going into marriage that your spouse know much you owe. Talk about your spending habits. If you’re not great with money, be open about it so you and your spouse can discuss how to battle it.
Once you are married and have combined finances, it’s important to talk regularly about your finances. Talk about how much you have, how much you make, how much you’re spending, and what your financial goals are. Then you might need to change your financial habits to reach those goals.
Even if you and your spouse never plan to combine finances (which some couples don’t), you should still have the conversations.
This one should be obvious, but you should definitely discuss whether you want children before decided to spend the rest of your life with someone. This can be a deal-breaker for many people, one way or the other. So it’s definitely better to get it out of the way before things get too far.
When it comes to kids, don’t just talk about whether you’ll have them. Talk about how many you’ll have. Talk about when in your lives you’ll have them (it might cause a conflict if one envisions having kids right away and the other wants to wait 10 years), and discuss what your parenting style will be.
Maybe you’re like Dave and I, who are 25 and married and still aren’t sure if you want kids. That’s okay too! As long as you’ve had the conversation and are on the same page.
Whether you’re super religious or not religious at all, talk about it with your partner. It’s important to be open with your significant other the role that faith plays in your life. It’s especially important if you’re going to have kids because you’ll have to decide what role faith will play in their life, and how you’ll make faith-based decisions if you don’t share the same religious beliefs.
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4. Goals and Dreams
Talk about your goals for your marriage. Talk about your goals for your career. Talk about your goals for your family. Talk about your goals for the next 20 years and the next 20 days. Talk about your goals and dreams often! This could play a big part in financial decisions (are you hoping to save for a house, a vacation, etc?), as well as your family situation (do you have a dream career that might require relocation?).
Talking about your goals isn’t just so you can plan together. I’m very open with Dave about my blogging and business goals. He’s been so open and supportive of all of my goals, and he’s been able to give lots of input for steps to reach those goals. Your partner can’t support your goals if they don’t know about them!
5. What Makes You Happy
One of your main goals in your marriage should be making your partner happy. And one of your spouse’s main goals in marriage should be making you happy. Help them to do that by being open about what makes you happy. And yes, this includes both in and out of the bedroom.
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6. What Frustrates You
I’ve struggled with communicating openly since Dave and I started dating, so there were times in our relationship where I held in what I was thinking or what was bothering me because I didn’t know how to approach the conversation. Or I didn’t want to start a confrontation. Unfortunately, holding those things in does a lot more harm than good. Talk about things that frustrate you early on so they don’t become bigger issues in the future.
7. Talk About Why You Love Each Other
Unfortunately, this is one that often falls to the wayside as we get comfortable and we get busy. But make sure not to ever stop doing this. It might not seen as important as planning for the future or discussing your finances, but I promise it is. Without a strong foundation for your relationship, those other things aren’t possible.
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What conversations for couples do you think we should all be having?
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